We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
