i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
