Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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