And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
