love makes seman taste better
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
