16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
