Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
