Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
