Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
