Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Randomize
