We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
