we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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