Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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