Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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