You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
