Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i think i have two assholes
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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