She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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