Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
