its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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