I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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