Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
