i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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