I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
