if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
