Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
