he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
