You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
