Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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