I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
