Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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