and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize