Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
