youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
