Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
