Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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