wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
