Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Houston, we have a blender
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
