Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
