You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
