My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
