You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
