I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Sober January is a disaster.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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