a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
