my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My penis needs a shock collar
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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