I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
