R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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