what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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