i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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