Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I think my moral compass just broke
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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