Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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