no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
