Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
