I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
