the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize