Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
