Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
