I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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