we made out on top of his cat.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
