i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize