My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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