We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
