Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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