Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize