He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
