...so i touched it.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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