the condom got lost in my hair
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize