I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
