i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Boobs are out for the taking
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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