So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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