handjob tips. give me some.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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