I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
