i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
