i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
