You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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