And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
