Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
