if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
