he thought i was a dude.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
