youre lurking in front of me
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
