All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize