Sorry, I don't speak sober.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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