omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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