scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
