dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
