I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
