I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize