Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
