At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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