thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
