Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
