I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
