I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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