after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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