she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
