Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
