I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
