uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
