I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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