That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Dear god my vagina.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
