This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize