I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
