does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
