Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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