her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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