We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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