Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
