so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize