I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
