I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
