Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
