you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
