Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
