I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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