Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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