Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The power of my boobs compel you
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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