weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
