dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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