Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
