cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
