Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it's great music for shaving your balls
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Randomize
