it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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